


How do I Loathe Thee?

by MortalAnonymous



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: M/M, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-01
Updated: 2010-03-01
Packaged: 2019-12-06 22:10:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18226055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MortalAnonymous/pseuds/MortalAnonymous
Summary: Phineas and Ferb build a bungee jump ride that's as tall as the moon; Stacy forces Candace to take a REAL day off, and Doofenshmirtz seems to be coming up with more and more frivolous plots. Warning:Dooferry ahead.





	How do I Loathe Thee?

Phineas and Ferb sat under the tree in their backyard on a brilliantly sunny day, plans scattered around them as the two drew in the finishing touches.

Phineas pencil fell with the completion of its task.

"Phew!" Phineas let out a breath, "My fingers sure are sore from drawing up all these plans. I'm not sure there's even enough feeling left in them to build anything." He flexed his digits to accent his point. "You sure were creative today, Ferb."

Beside him, Ferb massaged his fingers, showing that he too was suffering from overuse of a pencil.

"So what do you suppose we-?" Phineas started, but he gasped suddenly, cutting himself off as an idea sparkled its way into his brain.

"Ferb! That's it!" he exclaimed, "I know what were gonna do today!" Ferb gave Phineas his full attention.

Phineas elaborated, "We can try and build something without using our hands! How cool would that be? Entertaining, challenging; yes sir, I think we have ourselves an activity."

Ferb held up his hands for a moment, considering, before promptly stuffing them in his pockets to show his support of the idea.

"That's the spirit!" beamed Phineas, "Now lets start by cleaning up our blueprints."

He hunched down, using his nose to flip a few rolls onto his head in a precariously balancing tower, while Ferb stood and used the hacky sack method to bounce pencils and paper onto his head. He even bounced one into his mouth, posing like a dog to make Phineas laugh.

Meanwhile, from her window, Candace vulched with a glare, watching her brothers merriment suspiciously.

"Look at them out there, _planning_..!" she sneered, "What will it be today, boys? Monkey helicopter school? World's largest automatic washing machine? A bungee jump off the moon? Well, it doesn't matter, because I am _so_ gonna bus-"

"Candace, you realize bungee jumping off the moon is impossible, right?" Stacey asked from the bed, where she was perusing a magazine.

"Oh, believe me Stacey, they'd find away around even the laws of gravity." Candace assured, lurking, shark-like, at her window sill.

Stacey sighed.

"You really need to chill, you know that?" she asked, "All this lurking, all this monitoring your brothers' every move, just waiting to bust them? It _can't_ be good for you. Maybe you should take a day off."

"Take a day off?!" Candace echoed, flailing wildly, "Are you _crazy_? I can't abandon my post! They could...they could...well I don't know, but it would be devastatingly bad!"

" _When's_ the last time you ever had any fun?" Stacey countered, "When's the last time you and I just, hung out? You're letting your 'post' rule your life, Candace. Not to mention letting it turn you _really_ crazy."

Candace turned and picked up a mirror to look at herself. A reflection of baggy eyes and stress-frizzed hair looked back at her. She gasped.

"Y-you're right Stacey, she realized, "I'm letting my obsession with busting the boys rule my life..!" She looked at the reflection, paused, then turned angry and thrust the mirror downward. "Well no more! I'm gonna do what _I_ wanna do for a change! I am _not_ going to bust my brothers today...Candace Flynn is taking the day off!"

"Hallelujah!" cheered Stacey, "For real this time, right? No trying to go back on your promise every five seconds?"

"Right." Candace nodded sharply. She paused before glancing around her room. "Hey, where's Perry?"

"I don't know. Why do you guys always want to know where he is?" Stacey shrugged in reply.

* * *

Perry scuttled his way to a stop next to a flower in the yard. As he stopped next to it the center of the flower began beeping and blinking red.

An expression of annoyance crossing his face, Perry kicked the flower before pulling out his hat and jamming it onto his head.

The flower, which was a lever, triggered the square of the lawn Perry was standing on to flip, causing Perry to disappear, and the bit of lawn to be replaced by empty sod.

Perry was deposited from the ceiling of HQ and into his seat, bits of grass, flowers and dirt settling around him. These he brushed off casually as he waited for Major Monogram to speak.

On cue, Monogram spoke, "Hello, Agent P. Sorry to bother you again, but for the seventh time this month it seems that Doofenshmirtz is up to something. We don't really know _what_ , exactly. He just slipped us this note under our door saying 'I'm up to something. Send Perry the Platypus. Heart, Dr. Doofenshmirtz'".

Perry raised an eyebrow.

"My thoughts exactly, Agent P," Monogram agreed, "Very strange. I'm having Carl analyze the note as we speak. Carl?"

Carl came onto the screen, holding a piece of paper up to the light.

"No, I'm sorry sir, I can't find anything. It just looks like a piece of paper." Carl informed them. He turned to Perry. "I'd watch out though, Agent P. Knowing Doofenshmirtz, its probably some kind of diabolical trap..!"

"Gee, Carl, ya _think_?" Monogram rolled his eyes. To Perry he said, "Good luck, Agent P."

As Perry saluted and was launched out of his chair via spring, Carl huffed, "Y'know sir, I never say anything when _you_ point out the obvious..."

_Doofenshmirtz Evil Incor-por-at-eeeed!_

One jingle later, Perry, not even bothering with a fancy entrance, boredly strode his way up to Doofenshmirtz's door and knocked.

"Come iii-iiiinn..!" drifted from inside. Perry opened the door and walked in, very visibly not sensing any danger.

Doofenshmirtz sat at a little table for two in the middle of his lab, set for tea and cake. Stinky candles and flowers adorned every wall and '-inator' visible.

"Oooh, Perry the Platypus, how surprising," Doofenshmirtz greeted, "By which, of course, I mean completely _not_ surprising, you know how this goes...anyway, come, sit sit!" He gestured to the seat opposite him.

Perry walked over and plopped himself into the seat, bringing the cake set out for him closer, and beginning to eat. He looked to Doofenshmirtz, waiting for an explanation.

Doofenshmirtz rested his head on interlaced fingers, simply giving Perry a toothy smile.

Perry stared.

Doofenshmirtz smiled.

Perry stared.

Doofenshmirtz smiled.

Perry stared.

Doofenshmirtz blinked.

"Soooo," he ventured, "Tell me about your daaay..."

Perry put down the tea he'd been drinking and hopped off his chair with the obvious intent to leave.

"Aah, no - Perry the Platypus, wait!" Doofenshmirtz put up a hand to stop Perry, "I-I know it's the seventh time this month I've done this sort of thing, uh, let me see, I can do something evil..." He patted his pockets desperately. Finding something he pulled out a tiny ray gun, exclaiming, "Oh! Here! The Pocket-Lint-inator! With this, I shall rob everyone in the tri-state area...of their pocket lint..."

Perry stared flatly at him.

Doofenshmirtz sighed and tossed the little device. "Yeah, I know," he relented, "It's really more-so just a useful device for keeping pockets clean."

Perry turned to leave again.

"No-no wait, don't go!" Doofenshmirtz waved his hands wildly, "I...well, do you want to know why I really keep dragging you over here like this?"

Perry turned, giving Doofenshmirtz his full attention.

"Well," Doofenshmirtz started, starting a flashback, "As you know, my dating history's been pretty much a bust since forever. First there was that girl that got stolen by Huge-Hands Hans, you remember him; and then there was that whale-crazed one, Elizabeth. Yeesh! Don't know what I was thinking there...and there was that one who wouldn't pay any attention to me at all, a-and so on, you get the picture."

Perry blinked.

"Anyway," Doofenshmirtz continued, "On my last date, there I was; she was blabbing on and on about some stupid thing that happened to her at a store or something, and somehow using this story to insult me...how do you even do that, seriously?! How do you turn something that happened to _you_ into an insult for someone who wasn't even there?!"

He got back on track. "But there I was, totally bored as heck, starting to get really mad, when suddenly I think of _you_ , Perry the Platypus."

Perry started slightly.

Doofenshmirtz nodded. "I noticed her inane drivel was making me feel a little bit like _you_ do. Make me feel, that is. Only not really because you don't talk. And I was almost enjoying her berating me, I noticed. So then I got to thinking, you know 'What the heck?' So I did a little soul searching, and I found that I was wishing it _was_ you there chewing me out."

He rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "See I think I actually _like_ it when you beat me up and stuff. Not anyone else, mind. No-no, just you. I know, I'm crazy. I dunno whats wrong with me, but it's true. And after I connected all those dots, that's when I realized what a fine line there is between hate...and love."

He sniffed, clasping his hands over his chest. "I realized...I love you, Perry the Platypus."

Perry started fully this time, letting out a stunned chatter.

"Why?" repeated Doofenshmirtz. Pass-offishly he said, "I don't know, I-I think I'm just a glutton for punishment or something. You make my life exciting. You give it meaning. You're cute and furry. I admire your thwarting skill. Pick a reason."

He then moved into a more reflective tone. "I-it just started kinda small, and before I knew it I was inviting you for tea, having an affair with a panda, and complimenting you on your evening gown! I started to live for the times you would thwart me, and seriously, my plans got so _lame..._ "

He sighed. "I just loved hating you too much, I guess. But there it is: I love you. Don't worry though, I'm not going to pressure you or anything, but now it's out there, and you're probably really creeped out, so I'll understand if you want to find a new nemesis, you know, to avoid any 'awkward feelings'..." He put the last words in finger quotes, starting to look a little sad.

But Perry was tearing slightly, a hand over his heart. He came over and gently placed a hand on Doofenshmirtzs leg, chattering.

Doofenshmirtz gasped. "No way! You really love hating _me_ , too?!"

Perry smiled.

"And you might love _me_ , for all the same reasons except the cute and furry one?!"

Perry continued to smile movingly, and Doofenshmirtz leaned down to sweep Perry into his arms.

"Oh, Perry, that makes me so happy!" he gushed, "..Hey, I called you 'Perry', Perry the Platypus..! Weird..."

* * *

Back in the Flynn-Fletcher yard, Phineas and Ferb were mid-way through constructing a great metal skeleton of an object yet-to-be-determined.

Progress was slow, because Ferb had yet to master using a power drill with his teeth, and Phineas having difficulty writing out equations with his toes. But they were having fun.

"Boy, this sure is hard work," smiled Phineas, to which Ferb nodded, "But were having fun, and that's whats important."

Ferb whirred his power drill in agreement which caused the entire framework to shake.

While they worked, Candace came outside, Stacey in tow. Candace marched determinedly toward the front of the house, pointedly avoiding looking at whatever her brothers were doing.

Phineas noticed her. "Hey, Candace," he greeted, "Don't you wanna know what were doing today so you can bust us?"

Facing the house, Candace replied, "Not today, Phineas! I don't care _what_ you dweebs are building, I am _not_ gonna look! _I'm_ taking the day off!" She stood proudly.

"Oh. Ok," Phineas shrugged, ducking under a rod connecting two buckets of screws so that they draped over his shoulders, and stepping onto a form of crane lift. "It sure will be quiet without you though."

"Heeey, whats that supposed to-" Candace started, whirling to face them. She froze upon seeing the metal framework, Ferb operating a jackhammer while standing on it, and Phineas inserting screws by using his nose like a screwdriver.

"Wha-wha-wha-whaaaaaat is that..?" Candace pointed, shaking.

"Well, its _going_ to be a bungee jump ride," Phineas answered, "Right now its just a skeleton, but its gonna reach all the way to the moon..! We know it sounds impossible, but as you know, we specialize in the impossible."

Candace twitched.

"Stacey," she pleaded, "Get me out of here. Now."

Stacey took her cue and ran for the front yard, pushing Candace in front of her. As she made her exit, she called, "Hey guys, your friends are here..!"

Indeed, Baljeet, Isabella and the Fireside Girls were all trooping in through the yard gate. They came to a halt at the base of the metal architecture.

"Hey guys. Where's Candace going?" Isabella inquired, "Isn't she going to try and get evidence to bust you guys with?"

"Nope," answered Phineas, "She's taking the day off today."

"Huh. It'll be quiet without her." Isabella noted.

"Uh-huh." nodded Phineas, "Oh, and before you ask, we're building a moon-high bungee jump ride without using our hands."

"Why are you not using your hands?" Baljeet puzzled as Isabella pouted about not getting to say her catchphrase, "Surely hands are the best tools for the job. Why would you purposely deprive yourselves of their use?"

"We like a challenge. Right, Ferb?"

Ferb started to give a thumbs-up, but caught himself and instead said, "Indeed. Nothing like a good challenge."

"I...see." Baljeet said, though he sounded like he didn't see at all. He even scratched his head.

"Well, do you guys need any help?" Isabella offered, "The Fireside Girls aren't really doing anything today, and this sounds like fun."

"Sure," Phineas smiled, "The going's really slow, actually. We could use all the help we can get."

The Fireside Girls jumped with glee and ran to get themselves power tools. Baljeet shrugged and moved to join them.

* * *

Meanwhile in the park, Candace lay sprawled in a grassy patch, watching the empty, cloudless sky. As Stacey returned with ice cream cones, she sat up and sighed contentedly.

"I never knew how _relaxing_ a summer day could be." she gushed, "Just _walking_ in the _park_ , eating _ice cream cones_ , _hanging out_ with your best friend...I feel great." She sighed again.

"Uhh, yeah." Stacey said, "This is the kind of stuff _normal_ teenagers do during the summer."

Candace gave a scary giggle. "Yeah. It's great..." She slumped, chin gently sliding into her ice cream.

Stacey raised an eyebrow. "Oooo- _k_ , now you're starting to weird me out." Candace just giggled, and a screen wipe of daisies triggered a montage of Candace enjoying summer.

She lay on the beach, looking way too happy; Stacey lifted her sunglasses and looked worriedly at her frying friend. Candace and Stacey rode a high velocity theme park ride, the photograph of which depicted a melted and relaxed Candace, while Stacey looked at her, unsettled. Candace climbed a tree, swung and hung upside down from the bottom branch. Her cheeks puffed up as she suddenly remembered what hanging upside down did to her, and ran immediately for the nearest wastebasket. Stacey followed, quirking an eyebrow after Candace hurled, but looked extremely happy.

On their last venture through the montage, Stacey dragged Candace by the wrist through a boardwalk, looking at Candace strangely as Candace spouted, "I _love_ this! I love not obsessing over you-know-who and you-know-what, with their I-don't-care in the you-know-where..!"

As she was dragged giggling off screen, Candace and Stacey passed by, but didn't notice, a hand-in-hand Perry and Doofenshmirtz. The camera switched to follow Perry and Doofenshmirtz, and a peppy tune started up, which went:

 _Off on a date with my nem-i-sis_ (Perry and Doofenshmirtz walk, holding hands, along the boardwalk.)

 _Is he really someone that I want to kiss?_ (Close-up of Perry looking questioningly toward Doofenshmirtz.)

 _Hes so evil and I'm so good_ (Doofenshmirtz tries to cheat at a tossing game with a baseball that has a laser hidden in it; Perry wags his finger at him.)

 _I really want to but I don't think I should_ (Doofenshmirtz presents Perry with a pink stuffed bear, and Perry smiles at him.)

 _How many times has he spelled my doom?_ (A montage of multiple traps closing on Perry flashes.)

 _My thoughts are weavin' like a whacked-out loom_ (Perry dodges from a crazy loom spitting thread in front of a bright purple cut-away background.)

 _Cuz ain't it strange, us gettin' on so well..?_ (Doofenshmirtz smiles at Perry, who rubs the back of his head unsurely.)

(Cascading flowers wiped the scene as the bridge played.)

 _Off on a date with my nem-i-sis_ (Doofenshmirtz and Perry walk on the boardwalk again.)

 _Hes part mammal and like part fish_ (In another cut-away, Doofenshmirtz bobs to the music, pointing first to a mammal card, and then a fish card behind him.)

 _I find him cute, in his little hat_ (Doofenshmirtz makes an 'ooo' face at something on the ground and bends to pick it up. Its revealed to be Perry, and Doofenshmirtz hugs him.)

 _So I used to hate him, what's wrong with that?_ (Cut to a still of Doofenshmirtz and Perry glaring at each other. Doofenshmirtz pops up in front of it and shrugs, grinning toothily.)

 _I don't know why I started loving him_ (Doofenshmirtz taps his chin while looking at Perry.)

 _But I find it best not to question this whim_ (In the same shot, Doofenshmirtz shrugs again, throwing away a handheld chalkboard covered in math)

 _Besides I think I like it when we get on so well_... (and then leans his head in his hand, beaming lovingly.)

(This time the scene wiped with cascading valentines.)

 _Off on a date with my nem-i-sis_ (They're back walking on the boardwalk together.)

 _Were havin' a ball, we both have to admit_ (Doofenshmirtz grins, and Perry returns it.)

 _What's all this fun, and, what's all this cheer?_ (They laugh at something, and then put an arm around each other.)

 _You're makin' me feel so insert-lyric-here_ (Both snap their fingers in front of another colorful background, as if trying to remember something.)

 _I kinda wish that Cupid coulda missed_ (Cupid shoots an arrow, and Doofenshmirtz walks on screen, rubbing his sore rump; Cupid shrugs at him.)

 _But all in all, it boils down to just this:_ (Boiling water swirled as a scene wipe.)

 _Im in love (oooo..!) with my nemisi-iii-iis_... (Close-up of a strawberry milkshake, which Doofenshmirtz and Perry lean in to drink, their eyes romantically half-lidded.)

As the shot widened, Doofenshmirtz noticed the 60s-style band guys crowding around his and Perry's table. He glared at them, getting up and saying, "Hey, hey, stop it. Stop singing about our feelings. Go on, get out of here. Shoo!" He made shooing motions, and the band fled like vermin.

Doofenshmirtz sat back down, saying, "Street performers, sheesh!" Perry nodded, and the two returned to drinking their shake.

* * *

It was rather late in the day; by this time almost evening, and Stacey decided it was about time she took Candace home. She pushed Candace in front of her as Candace ranted happily about her normal, relaxing day.

"I don't think I've _ever_ had so much fun." Candace was saying excitedly, "There was the ice cream, and the beach, and the barfing...well, the barfing wasn't so much fun, but you know what I mean..!"

Stacey stopped Candace. "Alright Candace," she said, "I've kept a worried silence all day, but honestly, now that you've had your day off, I think we should get you back to busting your brothers. We probably shouldn't mess up the cosmos for too long. And besides, you're actually a lot creepier like this."

Candace freaked. Her eyes bugged and she twitched rapidly, shouting in alarm, "What?! No! No bust brothers, no bust brothers! Happy! Peaceful! Caaaaaalm!"

Stacey wiped the spittle off of her face and sighed before seizing her friend around the waist and hefting her over her shoulder like a sack of flour. Candace flailed in protest, but Stacey just walked.

* * *

Phineas, Ferb, Baljeet and the Fireside Girls stepped back from their work, faces, torsos, and anything but their hands covered in greasy grime.

The contraption was basically a huge column of steel with thick elastic cords reaching all the way from the top to the ground. On the ground rested a large red-painted metal sphere, where the passengers were supposed to ride. It was tethered tautly to the ground by a hook and peg.

"Well team, it took a lot longer than expected, but I think we're finally done." beamed Phineas. Everyone but Baljeet cheered.

"I still say that this is a most ineffective way to build a machine." Baljeet complained.

"Aw, lighten up, Baljeet." replied Phineas, "Come on and ride it with us. Even if it doesn't work, we still had fun building it, right?"

Baljeet sighed. "I guess so...but really, sometimes I question the way you guys think."

Phineas only smiled, and then walked forward, leading the group into the large, red ball chamber. Once everyone was inside, Phineas pressed a button with his elbow to close the hatch.

"Ready, everyone?" he asked. Most of them nodded with a smile on their face. Baljeet cowered nervously against the wall.

"Ignition!" Phineas cried, and Ferb elbow-flicked a mini version of the hook outside. The hook outside released, and the giant ball was sent hurtling upward into the sky at breakneck speed.

Luckily, the inside of the ball was padded, and the kids inside laughed as they were plastered against the wall.

"I feel like a pancake!" Isabella shouted gleefully, so as to be heard over the rush of velocity.

"Yeah, isn't it great?" Phineas shouted back.

The sphere shot up and up and up through the atmosphere, but then started to slow. Inside, the kids started to peel off the wall, and slowly begin to float.

"Whoop, looks like we've entered the thermosphere." Phineas informed everyone, "Hey look, there's the moon!" He pointed out the porthole-like window, and all of the kids gushed at the gray orb floating next to them.

"Pretty!"

"Wow..!"

"Amazing!"

"This is so cool!"

"Please bring me back down now."

"Don't worry Baljeet," Phineas assured, "We're fine."

Outside, panels in the metal sphere flipped automatically, transforming themselves into rockets, which suddenly burst fire, making the ride stop floating and start drifting back towards Earth.

"See? And there's the Return-to-Earth rocket system, right on cue." said Phineas.

The kids all let out a happy cry of 'Whooooaaaa..!' as gravity started to return. They laughed as they were plastered to the opposite wall while picking up speed.

Down fell the sphere, faster and faster; flaming heat started to build on the hull. But, as the ground approached, the rockets twisted and the ball rolled, so that the ride came to a safe and cushiony halt, while inside, the kids bounced around on the padded inside, laughing gleefully.

As they set down, Ferb ticked the mini hook back into place, and the one outside mirrored it, preventing the ball from going up again. Phineas pressed a release button, and the hatch opened up.

"Sorry folks," he said sadly, "but that's all we have time for today. The darn thing just took too long to build."

Groaning in disappointment, the frizzy-haired Fireside Girls evacuated the machine, Phineas and Ferb acting as their doormen. Baljeet looked happier to be back on the ground.

* * *

Out in front of the house, Stacey had arrived across the street with a still-flailing Candace over her back. Candace fought valiantly, but then slowly came to a stop when she caught sight of the towering mass reaching into space from her backyard.

Then she just gaped. Stacey deemed it safe enough to put Candace down, so she did.

A horn honked just then, drawing both Candace and Stacey's attention. It was Mom, back from the store and waving at them as she slowed the car in front of the house and parked.

Stacey waved back, but Candace only stared like some form of caramelized zombie.

"It...it...could it be..?" she ventured.

As she watched, Mom got out of the car and circled around to the back seat. As she leaned over, the hulking mass in the backyard started to quake with a rumble that vibrated the ground.

Before the watchers' eyes, the machine first burst a few random screws, trembled, and then collapsed in a heap with a mighty crash.

Mom stood up with her groceries, went 'Hmm?', but then shrugged and made her way into the house.

Candace blinked; and then her eye twitched.

"How the heck did she not _see_ that?!" she then screamed, flailing her arms in that direction.

"Ahh, and _there's_ the snap-back." Stacey sighed contentedly, "See ya tomorrow, Candace!" she then waved, and headed off toward her own house, leaving Candace to sputter bewilderedly at what had just transpired.

* * *

In the backyard, everyone blinked at the pile of rubble before them.

"Wow. I guess it's a good thing we didn't ride it again." Phineas noted. The others nodded. "Huh. I guess this means were just not as good with our feet as we are with our hands." Phineas then said.

"Yeah."

"Bummer."

"Too bad."

As everyone shuffled their way out of the yard, Baljeet stopped briefly to add, "I told you that was a stupid idea." before taking his leave as well.

"W'll I thought it was a bit of an adventure." Phineas said as they left, "Just think: 'Phineas and Ferb's First Failure'. Has a nice ring to it."

"I guess not everyone can appreciate a good failure." Ferb responded.

"Yeah..." sighed Phineas, "By the way, was it just me, or did Baljeet seem a little bit crankier than usual?"

"He's probably missing Buford." Ferb said wisely.

"Oh yeah. Buford wasn't in this episode." recalled Phineas. He looked around. "Hey, Perry's not back yet. Oh well, I'm sure he'll come home when he's ready."

They shrugged it off and walked off, presumably to start gathering up the remains of the day's project for disposal.

* * *

As the brilliant sun set into evening, Doofenshmirtz and Perry sat at the end of one of the many boardwalk docks together. Doofenshmirtz glanced about himself, and then looked at Perry.

"Well, nothing has come along by the end of the episode to break up my romance like it usually does..." he observed, "So I guess you're a keeper, Perry the Platypus..! Yay, good for me, true love at last!" He bounced and clapped like a pleased child.

Perry smiled at Doofenshmirtz's silliness.

Doofenshmirtz calmed down, switching to a lower, smoother voice and saying, "But you know, Perry the Platypus, you still haven't thwarted me today..."

He paused. "Er, do you know what I meant by that, Perry the Platypus? I mean cuz usually you _do_ thwart me in the literal sense, but this time I meant it in a more date-related kind of way, you know. Did you get my drift? See in this case the thwarting would represent-"

Perry yanked Doofenshmirtz down by his collar so that they were nose to nose, and gave a purr-like chatter before pouncing forward, slamming Doofenshmirtz into one of the docks support poles. Their lips met furiously, Perry's forceful kiss surprising Doofenshmirtz - but not for long.

Doofenshmirtz gripped Perry's shoulders tightly, and then rolled. The two ended up in the middle of the dock, and Doofenshmirtz slammed Perry against the wooden planks.

"I'm thinking you got my drift..." he panted conversationally, and then gave Perry a fiery kiss of his own. Their mouths seared with the friction of their lip battle. Perry kicked Doofenshmirtz in the chest, flipping them over so that he was on top again, but Doofenshmirtz only turned it into a somersault, forcing Perry to stay below him.

Perry twisted, rolling Doofenshmirtz's head and forcing him to roll over. That is, if he wanted to continue the kiss; which he did.

Perry yanked Doofenshmirtz to him by the lapels, his tongue obviously invading Doofenshmirtz's mouth. Perry's eyes were closed as he roamed and prodded this new territory.

Doofenshmirtz clutched Perry to him and rolled over again, returning the favor with vigor.

Things went on like this for a while. The two shapes on the dock battled for dominance until the moon floated high in the night, which is what the screen circled in on before ending the show in blackness.


End file.
